


Time-Out

by Spriingflower



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Football | Soccer, M/M, Masturbation in Shower, Swearing, a little bit of chanbaek on the side, but no actual smut, jongdae is crushing on minseok, mentions of past xiuhan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-01-05
Packaged: 2019-02-26 13:40:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13236894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spriingflower/pseuds/Spriingflower
Summary: 'Don't look at his dick, don't look at his dick, don't - fuck! You had one fucking job, Kim Jongdae. One fucking job and you still messed up somehow.'- in which Jongdae joins the football club to get closer to his crush, not considering that getting closer also includes seeing him naked every other day.Based on a prompt by @ xoxoprompts on Tumblr





	1. One hand washes the other

**Author's Note:**

> I originally posted this on my Wattpad some time ago and I'll now repost it here and since the story is already complete I will probably update daily^^

The middle of the year is an odd moment to decide that maybe joining a school club isn't all that bad and Kim Jongdae is very well aware of that fact. But how could he have known at the beginning of the year already just how hard and how fast he would fall for the captain of the football team? If Jongdae had known from the beginning on he would not have hesitated for a second to join the football club, even though he just sucks at that sport. Well any sport to be honest. But there is nothing he can't at least try. But back when Jongdae first got into this high school he did not know and therefore didn't bother signing up for any club at all. Then, two weeks into the school year, he got to know Kim Minseok.

Minseok is the captain of the football team, two years older than Jongdae and frankly one of the most attractive people Jongdae has ever seen in his entire life. It's almost ridiculous how good-looking Minseok is. His body is toned from doing a lot of sport but his face still seems somewhat round and chubby. He has cheeks that look so soft Jongdae can't help but dream of pinching them. And his eyes are just to die for. Perfect brown orbs, that have this kind of curious glimmer in them. Not to mention how damn cute he is. He is almost shorter than Jongdae despite being older and something about that just makes Jongdae's heart race like crazy. But then again Minseok is also hot. Really damn hot. The duality of Kim Minseok is a thing that makes Jongdae question his sanity. He is a lovestruck fool and he wishes he had known about Kim Minseok earlier. Because there is no waiting to just join the football club next year. Because next year Kim Minseok won't be there anymore. And without Minseok, there is no point in Jongdae trying to join.

So no matter how stupid it may seem to join a club in the middle of the school year, Jongdae has no other option if he wants to get closer to Minseok before this year ends.

Yesterday he asked one of his classmates, a boy named Baekhyun who had joined the football club at the beginning of this year if there might still be a chance to join even though applications are long closed. He pretty much begged the boy to help him get into the team and Baekhyun promised him to talk about it with Minseok at the next training and then send him a text. From what Jongdae knows the football club meets every Tuesday and Thursday and the occasional Saturday when they have a match coming up and need some extra practice. Today is Tuesday and Jongdae is checking his phone every few minutes, even though he has the sound turned on and can't miss the message when it eventually comes in. Also, school only ended like an hour ago and the training is probably still in session. It might take another hour before Baekhyun even has his phone in his hand the next time.

An hour that crawls by way too slowly as Jongdae checks his phone every few minutes and tries to distract himself with math homework. Math is one of his better subjects and usually, he can finish his homework rather quickly and move on to something more pleasant but today every little exercise takes him forever. He keeps making small mistakes, comes up with wrong solutions again and again and has to do it all over and eventually that frustration gets his mind occupied enough to forget about his phone for the moment.

When it finally signals a new message Jongdae almost falls off his chair and he messes up his unlock pattern two times because his fingers are way too fast and hasty before the screen finally lights up with words.

_The captain says he's okay with letting you try out for the team, might consider letting you join if you do good, we're short on offensive players anyways. Just come to practice with me on Thursday after lessons are over, bring sports clothes and some decent shoes for playing, don't have to be real football shoes as long as you can run and kick a ball in them properly that's good for now. See you tomorrow and you owe me one for this. Better let me copy your math homework for the rest of the year :D_

Jongdae stares at his phone for a second. If he could, he would hug Baekhyun right now but instead, he just types back a short reply including at least ten thank yous. Then Jongdae puts his phone aside and tries to focus on math again. Even though his head is occupied with thoughts about the coming day he has suddenly found his motivation to finish the exercise again. After all, Baekhyun will want the results from him tomorrow and for the rest of the year. Usually, Jongdae doesn't like letting others copy from him but for once it might actually be okay to help out a friend. One hand washes the other.

 

"So, you are Jongdae?", Minseok asks him as soon as Jongdae approaches him. He came to practice together with Baekhyun. They had quickly changed into their sports clothes as the training was already about to begin when they arrived since Baekhyun had spent most of the way talking to Jongdae about football related topics that he didn't quite grasp. Once they had changed Baekhyun went to warm himself up and just quickly told Jongdae to talk to Minseok. So he did. Not that he wouldn't have done that anyways.

"Yeah, I'm Jongdae", he confirms.

"Hi, I'm Kim Minseok, third year and captain of this team, it's nice to have you here", Minseok introduces himself as he offers Jongdae his hand. Jongdae immediately accepts the handshake with a smile.

"Thanks for letting me try out", Jongdae replies politely and Minseok waves it off.

"Are you and Baekhyun good friends? He was quite persistent about letting you join", he questions and Jongdae makes another mental note that he should tell Baekhyun how damn thankful he is. Then again just letting him copy his homework might do the trick.

"Not really, we're just classmates", Jongdae replies with a shrug. Minseok looks at him for a moment, then he nods.

"I see", he mumbles, more to himself than to Jongdae but his eyes quickly light up again as he raises his head. "Well Jongdae, I hope you're ready to prove yourself worthy of joining."

 

Jongdae has never been particularly good at football and of course, he is way below the level of the other boys on the team but he actually feels like he's doing a decent job keeping up with them. He stumbles over his feet a lot more than all of them together and he is also the first one to be out of breath but he's trying hard with more motivation than he has ever had for anything sports related. And every now and again when through some kind of miracle Jongdae actually manages to make a somewhat decent play he catches Minseok looking at him with an approving smile. Despite Jongdae's body aching and being drenched in sweat those smiles are what keep him struggling through one and a half hour of training.

Once a whistle finally announces the end of practice Jongdae hunches over, hands on his knees and panting for air. This has probably been more working out than he usually does in a month crammed into 90 minutes of running and moving around and his body is totally not used to that.

Suddenly he feels a hand on his shoulder and he raises his head to look up at Minseok smiling at him.

"Have you played before?", Minseok asks and Jongdae slowly shakes his head.

"Not really, just a couple times in PE."

Minseok nods. "You're good for a beginner then", he says as he pats Jongdae's shoulder. "Welcome to the team Jongdae."

"Really?", Jongdae asks. Suddenly he is standing up straight again. Minseok chuckles.

"Yeah really. You're going to need some better shoes though. But don't worry, they don't have to be expensive. If you want you can tell me your size and I'll ask around if anyone has an old pair they don't need anymore. And if we don't find any like that I can go shopping for a new pair with you. I think I know enough to help you find a good one at a decent price."

Jongdae can't believe that this is really happening. It all feels too good to be true. Like a dream that he will wake up from any second now. But this is no dream. This is actually the reality for him now. Joining the football time was the best damn idea he ever had.

"Thank you very much!", he exclaims, suddenly he isn't even out of breath anymore. Minseok chuckles again.

"No reason to thank me, actually I should be the one thanking you, we really need some more players. Now come on, we should take a shower before we leave."

Suddenly something dawns on Jongdae. Something that he has not thought about so far because he was too busy being happy about getting closer to Minseok. He had never considered that joining the football club also meant potentially showering with Minseok. And watching him change. Two or three times a week. Every damn week for the rest of the school year. Jongdae is not sure if he will be able to survive that.

 

Not really knowing what else to do Jongdae has followed Minseok into the locker room without saying another word, the other boys must have left already while Jongdae and Minseok were talking and the fact that he is alone with Minseok makes the whole thing even more awkward. His brain is still trying to look for a way out of this when Minseok takes off his shirt and Jongdae's brain shuts down completely. Jongdae already knew that Minseok was quite muscular but the fact that the muscles on his stomach are actually that toned despite him being rather on the skinny side makes Jongdae gulp nervously. Probably noticing him stare Minseok stops in his tracks to look at the younger.

"What? Are you going to take off your clothes or do you want to shower with them?", Minseok asks with an amused grin.

"I think I'll pass on the shower", Jongdae says, trying his best to look anywhere but Minseok's exposed chest. Minseok huffs like a mother about to scold her child.

"You're drenched in sweat, if you go home like this you'll catch a cold. Don't worry, the showers here are actually quite decent. They might not be the cleanest but it's all right and the warm water works just fine."

"I don't have a towel, or body wash or anything", Jongdae mumbles as an excuse but Minseok won't let anything pass.

"Well if that's your problem then don't worry. I don't mind sharing some of my body wash with you. As for towels, I'm pretty sure we have a few spare ones lying around here somewhere. You better start bringing your own stuff from next week on though."

Minseok rummages through a few of the empty lockers until he finds what he has been looking for and tosses a towel at Jongdae.

"Here you go, now come on, I can't leave and lock up here until you took a shower with me."

 

They're just two bros, chilling in a shower, five feet apart because one of them is hella gay and also pining for the other but he would rather walk through hell barefooted than letting him know.

Jongdae does his best to avoid any eye contact at all but also tries to not make it look like he is avoiding eye contact on purpose. Because maybe looking away like a shy school girl that has never seen another man naked before is an even more obvious give away than staring at him. So Jongdae slowly raises his chin and glances over in Minseok's direction. He regrets it immediately.

Minseok is completely naked for obvious reasons and currently busy rubbing body wash all over himself. Jongdae's eyes are fixated on the hands traveling Minseok's chest and stomach in circular motions and he wishes those hands could be his own. But despite being so close to him the chance of touching Minseok seems further away than ever before. Because right now Jongdae is painfully aware of how little interest Minseok must have in him. He seems completely unfazed by the situation, mindlessly showering like no one else was watching him. It's almost painfully obvious how little it bothers Minseok to be naked around Jongdae and how little interest he has in Jongdae's naked body. To Minseok, Jongdae is probably just one of the guys. Minseok is used to showering with them and it doesn't affect him a little bit. Because Minseok probably does not look at the other guys the way Jongdae looks at them. To him, there is nothing interesting, nothing exciting, about seeing another guy naked.

Jongdae turns the shower a little colder even though the water is already way below the temperature he usually prefers. But he just needs something to keep his head cool as he watches Minseok from across the room.

Well, at least there is one good thing about Minseok not paying any attention to Jongdae. Jongdae can stare at him as much as he wants and he sure makes full use of that. His eyes are always glued to Minseok's body, taking in any details that he can so that he can replay the scene of Minseok rubbing soapy water over his chest again and again as often as he wants to later. He has not yet dared to allow himself to let his eyes wander any further down even though there is a burning desire welling up in Jongdae's stomach that wants to urge him to take a look. But he knows that he shouldn't. He really shouldn't. Then again, what harm is there in risking a short glance...

_No! Don't look at his dick, don't look at his dick, don't – fuck! You had one fucking job, Kim Jongdae. One fucking job and you still messed up somehow._

Jongdae must have made some kind of sound because the second he raises his head again he meets Minseok's confused eyes. Jongdae's heart stops and he already sees himself being beaten black and blue by the other because no heterosexual guy enjoys it when another guy stares at his dick like that. Heck, probably not even a gay guy would like that.

"You alright there?", Minseok asks. Either he hasn't noticed or he is going to save beating up Jongdae for later. Jongdae desperately hopes that it's the first one.

"Yeah, I was just wondering if you could pass me your body wash now", Jongdae quickly stammers and hopes that his voice doesn't sound too unnatural. Minseok looks down at the bottle he has placed at his feet and then back to Jongdae.

"Ah sure, just give me a moment, I'll come over once this stuff is rinsed off."

"No!", Jongdae blurts out a bit too fast and when he bites down his tongue Minseok is already giving him a confused look. "I mean, you don't have to come over, you can just throw it", Jongdae tries to save himself. Minseok gives him another puzzled look than he just shrugs.

"You sure about this? Can you catch?"

"Sure thing."

Minseok throws, Jongdae catches. But the small bottle of body wash is wet and so are Jongdae's hands and before he can get a good grip on it, it slips through his fingers and lands on the floor. For a second Jongdae sees his life pass before his eyes. So this is how it ends. Because after this Jongdae's life is clearly over. If he doesn't die of shame right here he will just jump off a bridge or something on his way home. Here he is, showering with his crush, his insanely hot naked crush, and he literally just dropped the soap. Great fucking job.

But the second passes, Jongdae doesn't die of shame, the cold water is still running over his body and the bottle is still on the floor. He kneels down to pick it up, aware that Minseok might be watching him and wondering just what the hell he is doing. But there is no way Jongdae is going to bend over to pick up the bottle. Even if kneeling down makes him look like a weirdo. At this point, Jongdae has already lost the last remaining bit of pride. But maybe he can at least keep a bit of his dignity.

He quickly pours some of the gel into his hands and starts spreading it all over his body before he kneels down again and slides the bottle over the floor back to Minseok. He is not going to make the mistake of throwing it again. The bottle slides a bit too far and stops at the wall behind Minseok. He turns around and bends over to pick it up. Jongdae closes his eyes and sends a prayer to heaven.

_Jesus take the wheel!_


	2. Lady Fortune

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so happy that this fic is already getting so much love, even though I only posted the first chapter yesterday. Thank you all so much!

A few weeks have passed since Jongdae joined the football club and by now he is kinda used to things. He got accustomed to seeing Minseok change. Or rather, Jongdae has learned how to avoid these situations as best as he can. Minseok is usually the first one to arrive, sometimes fifteen minutes before the actual practice even starts. Firstly because he is usually the one unlocking the locker rooms and secondly because he is just really damn passionate about this sport. Another point on the endless list of things Jongdae really admires about Minseok. Jongdae has made it a habit to show up just before practice starts when Minseok is usually already changed and out on the court to warm himself up. That already spares Jongdae from half of the awkward encounters. The other half is harder to avoid. And also worse. Jongdae has quickly learned that Minseok won't let him ditch the shower after training under any circumstances, even if he has to practically drag Jongdae into the shower room himself. That almost happened one time and the memory of it still makes Jongdae's head spin. But since showers can't be avoided Jongdae just had to come up with ways to avoid taking them together with Minseok. He usually tries to be either the first or the last one in the shower. Whatever of these two options is better suited to making sure he won't see Minseok naked. By now Jongdae has mastered the art of getting off the court the second Minseok declares that practice is over for the day and they can go home to practically run into the locker rooms, change and take the world's fastest shower before Minseok even has his shirt taken off. Jongdae has also become quite good at making excuses as to why he wants to stay on the court for a few more minutes on the rare occasions where he won't be able to make it into the shower before Minseok. Usually Jongdae either pretends to want to do a couple more stretches or volunteers for helping with putting the pylons and whatever back to where they belong.

Of course, he can't always avoid the awkward shower scenes but at least he is usually not alone with Minseok when they do end up in the shower room together. Having the rest of the team around is both a blessing and a curse. With more guys showering at the same time things are a lot less awkward because there is always some kind of conversation going on. But it also means being surrounded by even more naked male bodies, which just so happens to be a thing Jongdae is into. Some of the guys on the team happen to be quite attractive and since all of them do sport regularly most of them are also rather muscular, but none of them compare to Minseok. They also make it harder for Jongdae to stare at Minseok which again has its good and bad sides. Good because it keeps Jongdae in check, bad because sometimes he really wants to risk a glance. But one does not simply stare at another guy's dick when at least five other guys are potentially watching. Sometimes Jongdae showers with his eyes closed. He has also grown very accustomed to taking cold showers now.

The other boys on the team joke about Jongdae's weird showering habits from time to time. But they joke even more frequently about how much of a klutz Jongdae is on the court.

One time he got hit by a ball because Jongdae was too focused on staring at Minseok stretching, especially since that particular kind of stretching involved Minseok bending over and trying to touch his toes. Another time he tripped over his shoelaces because he was distracted by Minseok running his fingers through his hair to get a few sweaty strands that were stuck to his forehead out of his eyes. And those are just two out of countless examples of Jongdae making a fool out of himself in front of his crush. At least Jongdae is able to take moment like these with a sense of humour. When he trips he is usually the first one to laugh about it, which has probably earned him quite a lot of sympathy points with the other guys. By now Jongdae gets along with all of them fairly well, which is good. He also gets along with Minseok, which is even better.

They even exchanged phone numbers and had one short private conversation once before Minseok added him to a group chat with the other members of the team. Also he asked him about his shoe size because apparently he had been serious when he offered to go shopping for shoes together with Jongdae.

Sadly the shopping date never took place because Baekhyun just so happened to have gotten a new pair of shoes for his birthday two months ago and was more than eager to get rid of the old ones which just so happened to be Jongdae's size. Jongdae would have almost been mad at Baekhyun for ruining his chance of getting a date with Minseok, but at least he got the shoes for free. Also he just can't really stay mad at Baekhyun. By now, the two of them are actually really good friends and getting to know Baekhyun is probably the second best thing that happened as a result of Jongdae joining the football club.

So yeah, things are going great.

 

There is a small match against a team from another school this Saturday. Nothing official, just a match between friends. Apparently Minseok and the captain of the other team used to go to middle school together and now the two teams regularly play each other just for the sake of it. And since it's just for fun and nothing official Jongdae might actually get to play in the match. Not that he would have minded watching the others – Minseok in particular – play from his cozy position on the bench. But getting to be in a real game also sounds quite fun. And it will happen on a Saturday which means that Jongdae gets to have an additional day of seeing Minseok this week. Which is also really great.

 

Minseok and the captain of the other team greet each other like old friends which makes sense since they are just that. Still,  a part of Jongdae gets insanely jealous at the sight of that guy he doesn't even know hugging Minseok and being all familiar with him as the rest of either team kinda gather around them in a half circle. Some of the guys on Jongdae's team wave at some guys on the other team and vice versa. Apparently everyone here knows each other, except for Jongdae which makes him feel somewhat left out. But that thought is quickly cast aside as both teams head to the locker room together to get changed.

With so many people crammed into the tight space, it's almost impossible not to accidentally bump into another shirtless guy and Jongdae has probably set a new record for how fast he can change out of his normal clothes and into his sportswear. This time he is one of the first players on the court and he uses the time to try and strike up a conversation with someone. Or at least get a good look at the players from the other team to get a feeling of whats coming for him. But most of them are still changing and the field almost deserted. The only other people on the court are those that are always the first on the court. The extremely eager ones that are always early for practice to get some additional warm-ups. Of course Minseok is one of them and so is the captain of the other team, but for some reason Jongdae doesn't really feel like joining their conversation.

The referee the other team brought along also seems to be a mutual friend of both captains, or at least he also knows the other guys, since he talks to the players casually before the game starts and even during the game he keeps making jokes every now and again and sometimes lets players from both teams get away with small things that might not have been really conforming with the rules. Actually he doesn't really ever intervene as long as no one gets hurt or does anything extremely stupid. Maybe he doesn't even know the rules himself, judging from his stature he seems better suited for basketball or any other sports requiring height. He just doesn't seem as keen on football as everyone else here and Jongdae can't help but think that there might be another reason he is still sticking around.

Not that Jongdae minds having a somewhat more lenient referee, after all, he isn't all that familiar with the rules yet himself. And no matter how many times Baekhyun, Minseok or anyone else try to explain the offside rule to him, he just can't wrap his mind around it. Usually that is no problem at all but today everything just feels a bit more serious. Because despite the two captains being friends there also seems to be a clear rivalry going on between them. And that somehow results in everyone taking the game a lot more serious which means even more running around for Jongdae who is totally not used to actually playing a whole game yet.

They really ended up putting Jongdae on the offense. Not that he really understands what the position is, all he knows is that it involves a lot of running, chasing after the ball and trying to get it somewhat close to the other team's goal. Or – preferably – into the said goal. It somehow also involves a lot of shouting, which might be the only thing Jongdae really excels at. He has to shout at people when he passes the ball at them and people shout back at him when they want to pass it in his direction. For example, right now Baekhyun is shouting at Jongdae from across the field and despite his body feeling completely drained of energy already, Jongdae moves almost instinctively.

He runs to catch up to the ball and slams his right foot against it with full force, trying his best to at least aim in the general direction of the goal. Jongdae is pretty much running blind here but at least his foot hits the ball which, to him, is already a great achievement. He can't even count the times he has tried to kick a ball while running and ended up falling over it instead. And even if he could count them, he prefers not to think about it. But this time Jongdae's foot hits the ball and sends it flying in some direction that is hopefully still on the court.

After the ball is gone Jongdae stops to take a breath, he doesn't even bother checking where the ball went just now and he also barely registers the whistle followed by some yelling. He lifts his head again, still somewhat out of breath but ready to get his body moving again. Probably he kicked it on the offside after all.

Before Jongdae notices what just happened he already feels like a weight is being thrown at him with full force. But for once it's not a ball hitting him in the face but a body crashing against his own. Arms wrap around Jongdae's torso. Minseok's arms. Jongdae is somewhere between almost fainting and suddenly having the energy to rip out trees with his bare hands.

"Holy shit Jongdae, that was amazing!", Minseok yells in his ear, still squeezing Jongdae in his arms, who is trying to somehow comprehend the situation. This hug sure doesn't feel like the ball went to the offside. Through some sort of weird miracle, he must have actually managed to score a damn goal somehow. Maybe this is some kind of reward from destiny. Maybe he used to be some super nice dude in some prior life. There is no other way Jongdae can really explain what's happening right now. But this might be a once in a lifetime opportunity and in this second Jongdae decides that for once it's okay to throw caution overboard. He wraps his arms around Minseok with the best intention of pulling back again right away but suddenly another weight gets thrown at him. This time on his back and as a result of both shock and the force pushing him forward he squeezes Minseok closer than he had planned to. And Jongdae can't even really worry about it because he is literally being strangled by Baekhyun who has just jumped on his back. This soon turns into a group hug, with the other guys gathering around the trio until they are broken up by the referee.

For a second all of them have forgotten, that they haven't even won just yet.

 

In the end they didn't win the match, well at least not the first one. They however decided to play another one right after, this time resulting in a win for their team and if the sun hadn't been setting already they would have probably gone for another round. Instead they quickly moved back the goals and everything so they could all shower before they go home. Because there is no way Minseok is going to let anyone leave here without taking a damn shower first. This almost overprotective behaviour of his has become another point on Jongdae's never-ending list. But since the shower room isn't really suited to have more than ten guys shower at the same time it ends with half of them waiting for the other half to finish first while they are awkwardly standing around outside.

Jongdae, as well as most of the younger players from both teams, immediately offered to wait and let the older players get into the shower first. Although their reasons to do so might have been different. Most of them probably did it out of politeness and some of them are still chatting with each other. Baekhyun for example has dragged Jongdae into a conversation with the referee who surprisingly turned out to be around their age. Also he has turned out to be quite a funny guy to be around. He also may or may not have a thing for Baekhyun, which Baekhyun is seemingly oblivious to. If Jongdae could he would pat the guy on the back and tell him that he knows how it feels. Instead he just kinda listens to his conversation with Baekhyun and watches how the tall guy looks down at Baekhyun with loving eyes like he has never seen anything cuter in his life. All the while wondering if he has the same expression in his eyes when he looks at Minseok and if it's also so painfully obvious to everyone around him. Speaking of which...

"You guys can shower now, make it quick, we want to go out and celebrate for a bit after this", Minseok, who has just joined the group, explains. His hair is still somewhat wet and a little messy. A damp towel is draped over his shoulders but at least he is dressed which Jongdae is really thankful for. He is still feeling kinda dizzy from pretty much squeezing Minseok in his arms earlier.

"The usual place?", Baekhyun asks with sparkling eyes. Minseok gives him a smile and a nod. Baekhyun's eyes light up immediately and he tugs at Jongdae's shirt to get him moving.

"C'mon, this is the time to use your talent for fast showering, today I'll beat you to it", Baekhyun shouts, already jogging in the direction of the locker room. Jongdae shoots one more glance at the other two. Minseok is shaking his head, a smile on his face and the tall referee glances after Baekhyun with a dreamy look in his eyes. Then Jongdae sprints after Baekhyun. After all, he has a title as the team's fastest shower taker to defend.

 

The usual place turns out to be some barbecue restaurant that the team apparently visits rather frequently, which is weird because Jongdae has never been here before nor has he ever heard any of the guys talk about it. But the waiter seems to already know them and doesn't even bother asking what they want. Instead he just shows them to a free table and not even ten minutes later shows up again with a plate of meat that the boys devour like a pack of hungry wolfs. The first few minutes of the meal pass without any of them saying a word because they all have a mouth full of meat but soon conversations start again. The players loudly congratulate each other on any good plays or chat about school-related topics. Minseok compliments Jongdae on the great goal he scored earlier once more and Jongdae doesn't dare to say that it was more or less just an accident. Because sometimes a little lie doesn't hurt, does it? And not saying the full truth isn't even really a lie. Suddenly Jongdae is thinking about the referee from earlier again and how he stared at Baekhyun the whole time. Maybe he too thinks that sometimes it's easier to just not say whats on his mind. Because maybe getting rejected and losing a good friend is even worse than giving up without ever even trying. It's just the art of not saying everything. Sometimes certain things are rather left unsaid. Things like  _'I really don't even know how that goal happened, I didn't even watch where the ball was going'_ or  _'Hey, I know you're probably straight but I have a really big gay crush on you and if we continue showering together I might go crazy anytime soon'_ or  _'Thinking about how I hugged you earlier makes me feel like some dumb teenage girl in love'_ and of course his favourite _'sometimes I mastrubate to the memory of watching you shower and by sometimes I mean almost every other day'_. Just things like that. But that's just the art of omission. And as long as certain truths remain unspoken everything is nice.

Yeah, things are really going great.


	3. A series of unexpected events

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contains some very slight masturbation at the beginning but actually I'm soft I swear.

The shower room is filled with the sound of moaning drowned out by running water. Jongdae has his head tilted back, eyes closed and back against the wall. His breathing is a mixture of panting and moans that spill over his lips beyond his control. Well, he also doesn't really try to hold back. There is no one else around to hear him. He's alone.

Alone and masturbating in the shower room. For once the water running over his body feels warm and there is no reason to hold back his lewd thoughts involving Minseok. For once it's alright to let his guard down. Then again, nothing about this whole situation is even remotely  _'all right'_.

He shouldn't be doing this. He knows that he shouldn't be doing this. But the training ended almost half an hour ago, no one else is here anymore and as long as no one sees him doing this it might just be okay. If a tree falls over in the forest but no one is around to hear it, did it ever really make a sound?

Also there is just something about this place that makes Jongdae's heart and thoughts race.

Maybe it isn't even that wrong after all. This is not the first time Jongdae does it while thinking about Minseok, actually he does that all the time. Every other day to be honest, usually he just doesn't do it in the shower room. But does the place really make that much of a difference? Does it really matter whether Jongdae does it in the shower at home or in the shower here? The outcome is pretty much the same. But something about this place just feels a lot more stimulating. After all, the fantasies mostly take place here.

He's usually thinking about Minseok slamming him against the wall or him slamming Minseok against the wall, both scenarios work just fine for Jongdae. Their lips clash against each other, warm water running over them, the kiss is almost drowning them but neither of them are bothered by that. Because kissing is more urgent than breathing is this scenario. Their hands traveling each others body restlessly, grabbing on to every piece of skin they can grasp. Because no matter how close they are to each other, for Jongdae it's never just close enough. He wants to feel Minseok with every fiber of his being. Wants to run his fingers over every beautifully defined muscle on Minseok's body. Jongdae has probably spent hours admiring Minseok's form. Everytime Minseok is busy doing literally anything that occupies him enough to not pay attention to Jongdae for a second Jongdae makes use of that second. Minseok has somehow never caught him staring, which is almost a miracle. Baekhyun noticed it once though. But he did do Jongdae the favour of just leaving it at a small joke.

_Take a picture, it lasts longer_

If Baehyun only knew how much Jongdae would want to do that. He has tried drawing Minseok from his memory, but that never really worked out. Jongdae is not a very skilled artist to begin with and he usually abandons his tries before they even have a chance to become mere sketches. Because something always feels off. To get a good picture he would need to have Minseok in front of him as he draws. He would need to draw Minseok like that dude from Titanic draws his french girls. But that won't ever happen so Jongdae has to make do with the mental image he has of Minseok.

An image that is more than enough to be the base of all sorts of fantasies. Most of them involving showers, dropping soap and rubbing body wash all over each other. As well as some less appropriate uses of the showering gel.

 

Suddenly Jongdae hears the door to the locker rooms being opened, Jongdae has left it unlocked, which he now regrets deeply. When Minseok had left earlier and Jongdae was still hanging around he just left the keys with him telling him to lock up once he's done showering. This has become something that happens quite regularly since on days where Jongdae's only option to avoid showering with Minseok is waiting things out he is often the last one to leave. By now he knows where to hide the keys once the place is locked up. But right now it's not locked and someone else just casually walked in to Jongdae masturbating in the shower. Well, for now, they are still roaming around in the locker room, but they surely noticed that there is someone in the shower room and it's only a matter of time until they will come here to check. It takes Jongdae about five seconds to jump up, turn off the shower, grab the closest towel and wrap it around his hips to hide his boner as best as he can. It probably doesn't do the best job at concealing everything but Jongdae just hopes that whoever is walking towards the shower right now will not inspect his crotch to closely. Jongdae fixes the towel just before the person comes close enough to see him. A silhouette appears in the doorframe and Jongdae's heart stops.

Out of all people, it just has to be him. Maybe too much good stuff happened lately, so now it's time for things to go down the drain again.

"Oh, you're still here, so that's why the door was open, I already thought you might have forgotten about it, but then I heard the shower", Minseok comments as he approaches Jongdae. He stops in the doorframe of the shower room, fully dressed, even wearing his shoes which makes Jongdae feel even more naked and vulnerable in front of him.

"Yeah, I did a couple extra stretches, but I was about to leave soon", Jongdae mumbles. He is avoiding Minseok's gaze as best as possible, his right hand tightly grabbing onto the towel wrapped around his hips. How is this even happening right now?

"Do you happen to have noticed a sweatband lying around somewhere? Seems I lost mine and I figured it might still be somewhere in the locker room. Pretty sure I still had it earlier. Might have dropped it somewhere while I was changing", Minseok explains. Jongdae slowly shakes his head, water dripping from his hair onto his shoulders, suddenly he feels very cold.

"If I find anything I'll let you know", Jongdae says, hoping that it will end the conversation. Minseok quietly nods but instead of turning around and leaving he remains in the doorframe and looks at Jongdae with a somewhat thoughtful expression.

"You sure are a weird one, huh?", Minseok asks finally, obviously not expecting an answer. For a moment he just continues to look at Jongdae, causing him to shift under Minseok's glance uncomfortably. The fact that he is still wearing nothing but a towel doesn't help making Jongdae any less tense.

"You know, I'm pretty sure the other guys don't mind", Minseok says after almost half a minute of silence.

"Mind what?", Jongdae asks baffled.

"You being gay", Minseok says almost too casually. For a second Jongdae is not sure if he has really heard him correctly and when the words finally sink in they confuse him even more.  _What? When? Why?_

"How...", Jongdae whispers, not sure what he actually even wants to ask. Luckily Minseok completes the question for him.

"How do I know? Well, I kinda guessed, to be honest, but judging from your reaction I probably guessed right. I just had this feeling about you, you know. The way you act around the other guys is just kind of different. You're so careful with touching them. But not in the 'I don't want to touch another guy cause that's gay' way, you're careful to never leave any room for misunderstandings. You're so eager on making sure that no one would even for a second doubt you. You're so careful to never touch anyone in a way that could be even a bit above what is acceptable in a normal guy friendship. Because you don't want them to think that you're hitting on them. Because you're afraid they'll find you disgusting. But trust me they won't. No one here is going to judge you for who you are. I'm not trying to force you to come out or anything. I just wanted to tell you that you're not alone, you're not the only one here who swings that way and I know my team, they are nice guys and they won't mind at all if you decide to come out."

"Do you mind?", Jongdae asks after a moment of silence. For some reason, the question seems to amuse Minseok and he starts to laugh.

"Jongdae, I'm the least of your worries", he chuckles before he looks back at Jongdae who is completely dumbstruck by the whole situation. "What, don't tell me you didn't notice?"

"Notice what?", Jongdae blurts out. Minseok shakes his head in disbelief but there is still a wide smile on his face that makes Jongdae melt.

"I'm gay, Jongdae."

"Oh", Jongdae whispers. There is really nothing else that he can say about this unexpected turn of events.

"You know, I think the main reason I figured you out is because you remind me of how I used to be when I was younger. I was so afraid of accidentally looking at one of the other guys the wrong way that I used to skip showering after practice. I used to get sick all the time from walking home drenched in sweat. It took me forever to get somewhat comfortable with it."

Suddenly the puzzle pieces are coming together to form a picture that Jongdae hadn't been able to see so far. The overprotective habit that Jongdae already thought was somewhat cute suddenly becomes something even more than this. Minseok is not just some overprotective team mom that has to make sure everyone takes their damn shower like they are supposed to. He really cares about their health. Cares about Jongdae's health. And every damn time he had to almost force Jongdae to take a shower he did so because he cared. Because Minseok knows what it feels like maybe even better than Jongdae himself. Minseok told him that he has been playing football since childhood. How long did he have to hide in plain sight? Maybe for years. Jongdae has only experienced the struggle for about two months and he already feels like he can't take it anymore every now and again.

"Do the others know?", Jongdae carefully asks, aware that he might be crossing a border that shouldn't be crossed with that question. But Minseok gives him a warm smile that makes Jongdae's insides feel giddy.

"Yeah, I think most of them do. It's not like I necessarily tell everyone, I think overdramatic coming outs are kinda too much, but I also know that they can help people feel better about who they are. Baekhyun actually came out to the team just a few weeks before you joined, I kinda prefer to just tell people personally but yeah, if you decide to do it I'll support you all the way."

"Wait, Baekhyun is..."

"Bisexual yeah, he didn't tell you?", Minseok asks and Jongdae slowly shakes his head. But then again, maybe Baekhyun did tell him, he just never bothered to put it as clearly as that. He never said 'Hey Jongdae, I'm bisexual, just thought I'd let you know' he did however regularly comment on the looks of other guys in a way that maybe wasn't completely straight. And he also made a lot of jokes about it. Jongdae clearly remembers a particular one about 'playing for two teams' and another one about Baekhyun's straight A's in PE being the only thing really straight about him. Actually now that he thinks about it Baekhyun pretty much came out to him the first time they talked to each other when Jongdae had asked for his number and Baekhyun jokingly asked back if he was hitting on him and if he too wanted a piece of that fine ass.

"Now that I think about it I might just be really bad at reading people", Jongdae mutters which elicits another small chuckle from Minseok. For a moment the two boys just look at each other and only now Jongdae notices just how absurd the entire scenario actually is. Just a moment ago he was trying to hide his boner and now they are coming out to each other. He really wishes that conversation could have taken place under different circumstances, but then again, maybe this is just the right place and just the right time.

"You know, I'm really glad we had this conversation. I'd really like to give you a hug right now, but you're still dripping wet and almost naked, so lets save that for another time. I hope my words are enough to assure you that I got your back and if anyone ever tries to give you shit for who you are, just come to me, I might not look like it but I know how to defend myself and others who need it." Minseok's voice sounds soft and for a second Jongdae's body is demanding him to fling himself against Minseok to just go for that hug. Who cares about being wet and half naked? Well he does. So he just stays where he is. But he will sure bring that hug up again, after all Minseok pretty much said that he owes him one now.

"Thank you. Really. For everything", Jongdae whispers. Minseok waves it off and quickly changes the topic again.

"Don't worry, now you're sure that you haven't seen that sweatband lying around here somewhere?", Minseok asks again and Jongdae shakes his head again. He had almost forgotten about the sweatband already, too much other stuff happened within the past five minutes that he is still trying to comprehend.

"Well then, it wasn't really that special anyway, guess I'll just have to get myself a new one. See you at practice."

"Yeah, see you. Thank you Minseok", Jongdae mumbles, failing to recognize the small lie in Minseok's voice. But in his defense, he has other more important thoughts occupying his head than the question why Minseok would bother to come back and look for a sweatband that wasn't even that important to him.

Minseok gives Jongdae one last reassuring smile before he turns on his heels and leaves.

Once he is gone Jongdae slowly sinks down to the wet floor again, his back against the wall, he suddenly feels like his legs are just not able to support him anymore. The conversation he just had feels like a dream already. Something that never really took place in the real world. Once he is sure that his body is able to support the weight of the conversation again Jongdae slowly gets up with shaking legs. He loses his towel in the progress but at the moment it doesn't really matter anymore. Jongdae quickly finishes his shower, the conversation still replaying in his mind over and over again. If he had a pen and a piece of paper he would try and write down every word he still remembers right now while it's still fresh in his mind so he can look at it whenever he is not sure that it really happened. Jongdae dries his hair, gets dressed and gathers his things, including the keys to the locker room in somewhat of a hurry.

When he is just about to leave he suddenly sees something small below one of the benches. Jongdae bends down to pick it up. A sweatband, probably the one Minseok was looking for earlier. So he really was here. The conversation really happened. He's really gay.

Kim Minseok ist gay.

Not into girls, only into guys. Gay. And although Jongdae might not be one of the guys Minseok would be into - maybe he's not even his type - it suddenly feels like there is just the slightest bit of a chance that maybe they might end up together.

Jongdae stuffs the sweatband into his pocket. He's going to return it the next time he sees Minseok. And he's going to confess to him when he does so. Because for once it feels like there might just be a chance that everything will turn out okay.


	4. Words Fail

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of heartbreak because I gotta have some drama before the fluffy happy end happens^^

Jongdae has Minseok's sweatband stuffed into the pocket of his track pants. He is going to return it today and he spent most of last night thinking about how he will go about this. He feels like he barely slept but still, he is almost hyperactive. He jumps at every small sound and he stumbles twice as much as he usually would. Last night Jongdae wrote out his confession and then immediately tore it up to shreds because love letters are way too cheesy. But at least he now knows what he wants to say. He has recited the words in his head over and over again but still, he is not sure if he will really be able to deliver them just like that. Actually, he wrote and tore up the letter at least ten times. Because no matter how often he tries it's either too cheesy and over the top or not enough to express his emotions. Somehow it's incredibly difficult to draw a line somewhere between 'Hey I kinda really like you' and 'I love you, you are my universe, my moon and all of my stars'. There seems to be no way to express love that isn't either too casual or too poetically deluded. And in the end, Jongdae always ends up where he started. An empty piece of paper in front of him and a big mess of words in his mind.

Jongdae decided to wait until the end of football practice to talk with Minseok alone. Maybe that will make things at least a little easier. Also, things like that should just be said with no one else around. After all, Minseok prefers coming out in person and so does Jongdae.

But the practice ends before Jongdae is sure how he is really going to go about this, but he knows that it has to happen now. Because if he doesn't do it now he might never do it. Once the others are dismissed some of them rush to the locker rooms while the others stay behind to get everything back where it belongs. Minseok is part of the second group. On any other day, Jongdae would use this chance to shower as quickly as possible and leave before he has another awkward encounter with Minseok. Today he is going to deliberately make that encounter happen. And he will probably also make it awkward.

 

"Um, Minseok, could I talk to you for a moment?", Jongdae asks while carefully tapping Minseok's shoulder to attract his attention. Minseok, who just finished yelling instructions at two guys trying to take apart the goal, turns around to face Jongdae with a somewhat knowing smile. Like he expected this conversation to happen.

"Sure. Is this about yesterday?", he asks back. Jongdae reaches into the pocket of his track pants, hand clutching around the sweatband. Should he return it right now or wait a bit longer?

"Yeah, kinda...", Jongdae replies. Well, in some way what he is going to say now is a reaction to what happened yesterday. His hand lets go of the sweatband again and instead he starts fiddling with his fingers behind his back. Minseok gives him an encouraging smile, as he asks his next question.

"So have you decided to come out?"

"Um, I guess so", Jongdae mutters. If he's going to be together with Minseok he might as well come out. Jongdae doesn't really like the idea of a secret relationship. He wants the whole world to know how much he is in love with Kim Minseok. But the first step to that is letting Minseok know. He'll see about the rest of the world once that is out of the way. But he is sure that once that first step is taken the rest of the world will be conquered easily. 

"That's great Jongdae! As I told you, there is nothing to worry about but that's still a really brave decision. Just one small thing, some general words of advice I guess, it's best to keep relationships out of the team. I mean it can totally happen that you end up crushing on one of the guys but it's best to not act on those feelings. It just makes things really awkward for everyone and also those relationships never really go well. I kind of speak from experience here. You know Baekhyun and I went to the same middle school, he also left together with me. So he switched schools after his first year. A lot of things happened back then, I think it's better when he tells you himself, he's pretty open about this stuff. Anyways, have you thought about when and how you want to do it? Might be best when you do it next time we all go out somewhere. Doing it in a more casual context might make things easier. But that's totally up to you."

Jongdae feels all of his hope being crushed in a heartbeat. There is no way he can just confess after this. Minseok pretty much rejected him before he even got a chance to tell him how he feels. He should have never allowed himself to get his hopes up. He should've never even tried. He should just leave now and accept defeat. Some battles are lost from the beginning on.

"You know, never mind. I think I might not be up for this after all", Jongdae says quickly. He is afraid that his voice is going to break any second now. It feels like choking back tears that just won't fall. Maybe letting them fall would actually feel somewhat relieving. But Jongdae is not going to cry. At least not in front of Minseok. So he quickly mutters a goodbye and thank you and then he runs.

"Hey, wait! Jongdae...", Minseok shouts after him. For a second, Jongdae hopes that he will run after him and ask him what's wrong. He doesn't. Maybe it's better that way. If Minseok would approach him again now, Jongdae would probably end up crying and pouring his heart out to him and Minseok would have to reject him. Again. Which would probably be really uncomfortable for him. It just makes things uncomfortable for everyone. And apparently, these relationships never work out in the end.

 

When Jongdae bursts into the locker room it's almost empty except for one boy packing his stuff. The other guys are either gone already or on deconstruction duty. When the door slams shut behind Jongdae the other boy looks up with a half worried, half confused expression on his face.

"Hey, you okay? You look awful."

Baekhyun sounds sincerely worried about him and for a moment Jongdae fears that he might end up crying after all. He really wants to tell Baekhyun everything right now. Partly because the words really want out and Beakhyun just happens to be here right now and partly because they have actually become quite good friends and Jongdae could really use a friend right now.

"I have a crush on Minseok", Jongdae blurts out. Baekhyun raises his eyebrows for a second, give him a questioning look and finally shrugs.

"And water is wet, what else is new?", he asks. A slight chuckle in his voice as if Jongdae just told him something that he knew all along. Something so painfully obvious that saying it out loud is almost ridiculously useless.

"You knew?", Jongdae asks back, his voice suddenly just a mere whisper. Baekhyun laughs for a bit but when he notices the devastated look on Jongdae's face he quickly goes back to being serious.

"I knew from the first time I took you to practice with me on. I think half of the team figured it out by now, you're way too obvious. Actually, I'm pretty sure everyone kinda assumes it except for Minseok himself. He's always been kinda oblivious when it comes to things like that."

Something about that makes Jongdae mad and he feels the sudden urge to defend Minseok. Baekhyun is the last person that should go around calling other people oblivious. Jongdae crosses his arms in front of his chest with a snort.

"Now look who's talking. You're the king of being oblivious to stuff like this, that referee from the other day was totally into you."

"That's my boyfriend you egg", Baekhyun retorts dryly. Jongdae is dumbstruck. Turns out he just might be even worse at reading people than he thought.

"You totally didn't look like you liked him at all", Jongdae tries to defend himself. Baekhyun shakes his head with an amused grin on his face.

"Unlike you, I actually have some self-control. Just because I don't stare at him with doting eyes all the time doesn't mean I don't like it. Maybe I just don't want the whole world to know like you do", he jokes but again quickly gets serious again. "We've been together since middle school, started dating in our first year. Back then we were both on the football team. He wasn't out to anyone back then, still isn't, his parents are really conservative, they would probably kick him out or something. I was out to my parents and a few close friends and they were all pretty supportive. So we kinda tried to keep our relationship a secret for his sake. Long story short that didn't really work out. A teammate caught us making out in the locker room after practice once and the scandal was perfect. He blamed it on me, told everyone that I suddenly jumped him and stuff, of course most people knew that that was utter bullshit, but his parents bought it. Guess they would have believed everything as long as it meant their son was still straight. At first, I was really mad at him but I guess he was just trying to save himself. His parents took him off the team and I ended up switching schools once the year was over. Now we meet up every now and again without his parents knowing. This is also the main reason he acts as a referee. You know sometimes I feel like they are doing these matches just to help us make up an excuse to see each other."

Once Baekhyun ends his story both of them fall silent for a moment. Baekhyun seems to be reminiscent of the old times and Jongdae's head is filled with questions, that he doesn't dare ask. So this is the thing that happened in middle school Minseok was hinting at? The event that caused Baekhyun to switch schools?

"So you switched schools to protect your boyfriend?", Jongdae asks carefully. Baekhyun nods, then he shakes his head.

"Kinda. But also because of that other stuff that happened. Not everyone on the team back then was really supportive of that kind of relationships and Minseok was the one coming to my defense. He came out to the team and told them if anyone has a problem with me they also have a problem with him. He was co-captain so most of the guys had at least a bit of respect for him. But yeah, some not so nice things happened and in the end, I just couldn't stand this school anymore", Baekhyun's voice trails off at the end of the sentence. For a moment his face seems somewhat distant. As if he is considering whether or not he should let Jongdae in on a secret. Apparently, he decides to do so because he leans forward a little as he speaks his next words in a somewhat hushed tone. "You know Minseok would have gone to high school together with Luhan if things had gone differently. They were inseparable back then."

"Who is Luhan?", Jongdae whispers back. From the way both of them are keeping their voices down, it feels like they are talking about something forbidden. Something he is not supposed to know. Maybe this is a story he should hear from Minseok himself, just like the story about Baehyun and the referee guy – Jongdae should really ask Baekhyun for his name again – is one that was best told by Baekhyun. Baekhyun ponders his answer for a bit, then he leans back again, breaking the secretive mood to give Jongdae as much information as he can without really saying anything.

"The captain of the other team. In middle school, he was also the captain of our team. He and Minseok always stuck together, they were really close. Anyways, things happened and Minseok ended up going to a different high school than Luhan. And now we're all here. So enough about the past, are you going to confess to him or not?", Baekhyun asks. Jongdae slowly shakes his head and lets out a sigh.

"You pretty much told me a whole story about why I shouldn't try dating someone on the football team. Besides, Minseok himself told me to keep things out of the team", Jongdae explains. He gives Baekhyun a rough summary of the events of the last evening sans him masturbating in the shower and ends his explanation with a recap of the conversation he just had with Minseok. As Jongdae talks Baehyun's expression changes from mildly bewildered to somewhat mad to understanding. Once Jongdae is done Baekhyun gently places a hand on his shoulder.

"So that's why you look like someone died", Baekhyun mutters, slowly rubbing his hand in circles over Jongdae's back, apparently not minding the sweaty shirt. "Hey, it's not the end of the world. I still think you should at least try telling him how you feel. Minseok is a great guy, even if he rejects you, he will do it in the nicest way possible. Hell, he will probably feel worse about this than you. Then again, this will also not really help you feel better about this, huh? But maybe you could move on after that. Might be a bit awkward afterward but at least you can stop being so gloomy. And now let's get you some ice cream or something, my treat. Take a damn shower first though, you smell terrible."

"I don't wanna", Jongdae whines. Minseok is still out on the court but he will probably come in any second now and Jongdae really doesn't want to face him after what just happened. Especially not like this. Baehyun rolls his eyes, then he sighs.

"I'll wait outside and try to distract Minseok for a bit longer. You have five minutes so you better prove to me that you are still the master of quick showers", he says as he grabs his bag and opens the door. Jongdae can hear him call out Minseok's name, then the door shuts behind him. He should really remember to thank Baekhyun more often. But for now, he has a shower to take. Jongdae quickly undresses, when he takes off his pants the sweatband that he had stuffed in his pocket falls on the floor. He quickly picks it up again and looks at it for a moment, not really knowing what to do with it. Probably he should just leave it here somewhere so Minseok can find it later. He's already thinking about where best to place it when he decides against it. Quickly Jongdae stuffs the sweatband into his duffle bag with the rest of his sports clothes. He's going to keep that. It's maybe the only small thing he will ever get from Minseok, even if he didn't really give it to him willingly. Or even knowingly.

Actually keeping it means stealing it. But then again, Minseok said that it wasn't that important to him. But it is important to Jongdae because it used to belong to Minseok. Wearing this thing on his own wrist might be the closest Jongdae will ever get to holding Minseok's hand.

This is something he really shouldn't do. Even if the sweatband wasn't important he shouldn't just take it. But love is selfish and it's not like Minseok will ever know. The sweatband is just one more small point on a never-ending list of truths that will remain unspoken. But where's the harm in it? Maybe it's better this way.


	5. Sayin' Goodbye is hard to do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This turned out to be so soft even though this fanfic started as a meme. How did this happen?

Months pass, summer turns into autumn and then into winter. They can't practise outside on the court anymore and had to switch to the gymnasium, which offers a little less space but still works just fine.

It's the same but yet everything is changing.

Over these past few months Baekhyun has become Jongdae's best friend and whenever Jongdae needs someone to talk to Baekhyun is that person. They also started meeting up out of school. Jongdae helps Baekhyun with math and Baekhyun helps Jongdae dealing with his stupid heartache. Sometimes Baekhyun calls him a drama queen which is ironic since Baekhyun is literally one of the most extra people Jongdae has ever met. Baekhyun also introduced him to Chanyeol, the tall referee guy, and seeing the two of them interact with each other when no one else is around, has Jongdae questioning how he could have ever doubted that Baekhyun liked the taller guy. Sometimes the three of them meet up together and part of Jongdae is sure that sometimes they use him as an excuse to see each other. Because with a third wheel around Chanyeol can call it 'going out with friends' instead of 'date'. Jongdae doesn't really mind supporting their relationship though. After all the two are also his main source of support. Chanyeol knows about Jongdae's pathetic crush on Minseok by now and just like Baekhyun he keeps trying to motivate Jongdae to just get his shit together and confess. But even with two of the loudest hype men he could possibly have Jongdae has no interest in even trying to confess anymore. Because it's pointless and maybe it will end soon anyway.

With the end of the year coming closer Minseok has started to show up to practice less and less since he has to focus on learning for his exams and applying to some university and what not. It's his final year of school after all. Once this is over he will leave and Jongdae might never see him again and while the idea of saying goodbye to Minseok soon is painfull Jongdae also hopes that in some way it will end his suffering. Because maybe once Minseok is out of sight he will also be out of mind. And even if he won't forget about him, things are going to change. Not even Jongdae is pathetic enough to be sad about some unrequited crush from high school for the rest of his life. He will be able to just go on with life at some point.

But before that can happen he needs to say goodbye. This chapter has to end before the next one can begin. The team decided to throw a small goodbye party for Minseok and the other graduating third years. They have decided to meet up in that small barbecue restaurant on the first weekend after all of them are done with their exams. Maybe they'll go on to karaoke later, but really there is no set plan or anything really organised about this. They'll just see where their last night as this team takes them. But they are determined to end it on a cheerful note and so is Jongdae. Even if it takes him everything he wants to say goodbye to Minseok with a smile on his face. He will wish him the best for his future and make sure that Minseok won't ever have to worry about him or even waste another thought on him again. Jongdae will not drag Minseok's mood down on the day of his goodbye party. He wants at least one of them to think back on this goodbye as a nice memory. And if he can achieve this nothing else really matter, does it?

And after that, the only thing Jongdae will be left with is his stupid overdramatic heartache and a stolen sweatband.

  
  


They meet up on a Saturday for an extra practice session even though the time of year where they have matches is long over and after they are done playing all of them head to the restaurant together. They happily chat on the way there and even once they get seated on a somewhat remote table the conversation never stops. The room is filled with laughing, the buzzing of several conversations going on at the same time and blending into one and the amazing smell of meat being grilled. The football team is gathered around a large table, a hotplate in the middle of it that is at all time filled with small pieces of meat, several bowls filled with rice and other side dishes placed all around it and a few bottles of coke for the younger and soju for the older players scattered across the table. The atmosphere is great. Almost too good. They are really determined to make this as fun as saying goodbye can be.

They tell each other stories all of them know already and they laugh about jokes all of them have laughed about before. It's an almost familiar atmosphere. At one point they all get together to encourage Minseok to give a speech, which he finally does after several heavy sighs and emptying the bottle in front of him completely.

He awkwardly gets up, thanks the younger players for organising this party for him and the other third years and adds in a couple words about how much he enjoyed spending the past year with all of them and that he is really happy that he had been their captain. They all cheer loudly as Minseok sits back down which earns them quite a few annoyed glances from the other people in the restaurant. Minseok just shakes his head, a smile on his face, before he reminds them to stay quiet. A pointless attempt but at least they tone down a little.

Yeah, the atmosphere really is cheerful. Way too cheerful for a goodbye party. And when it all becomes too much to bare Jongdae quickly mutters an excuse and gets up to step outside for a breath of cold air and a moment of solitude.

  
  


The door opens and for a moment Jongdae can hear loud laughing and chatting from inside before it shuts again.

"What are you doing out here?", Minseok asks as he approaches Jongdae, hands stuffed into his pockets, cheeks still slightly rosy from the warmth of the hotplate used for the barbecue and maybe also from a bit of alcohol.

"Just getting some fresh air", Jongdae replies without looking up. "You should be inside though, this is your party."

"I don't really like parties a lot and the heat in there is making me kinda dizzy", Minseok chuckles, leaning himself against the wall next to Jongdae. Jongdae reaches his hands inside the pockets of his jacket, his fingers brush against the sweatband that he has been carrying around for the past few months. It has become a habit of his to always keep it close to himself. When he can't keep Minseok close he at least hast this. But today is a day of letting go and saying goodbye. Jongdae's fingers clutch around the fabric as he makes his decision.

"I have something for you", he announces and before Minseok can even react and say something along the lines of there being no need to get him a parting gift, Jongdae pulls his hand out of his pocket and presents the sweatband to Minseok who takes it from him with marvelling eyes.

"So you've had it all along?", Minseok asks turning the sweatband in his hands as if to make sure it's really the one he lost months ago. He doesn't sound angry, just surprised. Jongdae slowly nods. Minseok's eyes ask an unspoken _'Why?'_ that Jongdae is not sure how to answer. But he knows that now is the moment. The moment he had tried to postpone. Now is the moment to get his heart broken. To hell with ending it on a cheerful note. He has something to say and he has to say it right now before he goes insane.

"I like you", Jongdae finally confesses. Somehow finally saying the words out loud feels like taking a heavy weight off his shoulders. In the end they were simple, not too romantic, not too bland. And maybe love can sometimes be just that. Simple.

"I didn't think you would actually ever say it", Minseok whispers, still looking at the somewhat crumpled up sweatband in his hands. As he raises his head again to look at Jongdae there is a soft smile on his lips and an expression in his eyes that Jongdae has never seen before and is not sure how to read.

"I think I like you too. You know I always tried making excuses to myself. How I like having you on the team because you're a good player and not because of any personal feelings. I grew pretty attached to you and I always feel like wanting to protect you. I keep telling myself that I feel that way because you remind me of my younger self. But there's more to it and that scares me, so I keep pushing you away", Minseok explains and Jongdae can almost feel his heart stop just to set back in at twice the speed it had before and for a second he is not sure if this is really still just him being a lovestruck fool or a literal heart attack.

"You told me to keep things out of the team", Jongdae whispers back tonelessly. He's not sure if it's really an accusation or just an attempt at understanding of what is just going on. Minseok awkwardly scratches the back of his neck.

"Maybe I wanted to tell myself this. You know back in middle school I had a crush on my best friend. You even met him before."

"Luhan?", Jongdae asks although it's more of an observation than a question.

"Yes, did Baekhyun tell you?"

Jongdae shakes his head.

"Not really, he mentioned it when he told me about his boyfriend, but I want to hear the full story from you."

Minseok sighs and pushes his hands even deeper into his pockets. His eyes trail off for a moment while he thinks about how to put things into words, then he looks at Jongdae again.

"There isn't really a lot to say, I was in love with him but he was straight as a line. Still one of the most supportive people, a really great ally. He always gave me the affection no one else would. Never shied away from hugging me or holding my hand when I felt lonely. But it was always in that 'straight dude comforting his gay best friend' context. And I knew. I knew that there would never be more than that. He knew about my feelings too and I think he was really sorry that he couldn't reciprocate them, but you just can't change who you are and who you like. So yeah, I guess it was kinda painful and really awkward for both of us and it made seeing each other all the time really uncomfortable sometimes. I think I'm just kind of wary of developing feelings for a teammate because of that. Because if things don't work out it's just kinda awful for everyone involved. Separating club stuff from personal feelings actually went rather well until you came along and just made me fall in love with you. I'm not even sure how you do it. There is just something about you. The way you smile makes my heart jump. But I was still unsure. Also me as the captain dating a first year wouldn't really shed the most positive light on the club. But hey, the past is in the past and also, starting tomorrow I won't be your captain anymore."

"What does this mean?", Jongdae asks. His voice has gone back to a mere whisper. Suddenly he feels very afraid. Like the next words that Minseok is going to speak are going to decide between life and death. But Minseok smiles like he doesn't have a care in the world.

"It means I can be your boyfriend instead if you still want me to that is", he replies calmly. His head tilted to the side a little and those beautiful brown eyes looking at Jongdae with a curious glimmer in them.

"If you're even for a second doubting that I would want that you must really be oblivious", Jongdae replies, the hint of a weak smile spreading on his lips, his hands are shaking.

"And you must really be bad at reading people", Minseok retorts with a chuckle. Jongdae chuckles as well. Suddenly he feels very light.

"I guess so, now do me a favour and just kiss me before I start crying or something."

"Gladly", Minseok says as he leans forward with a smile.

They are the perfect height for kissing each other. Their lips meet comfortably without either of them having to get on their toes or bending down. It's like they were made to kiss each other. Their bodies fit together like two puzzle pieces and their lips melt against each other like they have never done anything else but kiss. They kiss softly, testing the waters, exploring, both of them smiling into the kiss and even when their lips part the smiles remain. Because this feels just right.

"You know that things might get complicated from here? I'll be leaving school and go to university somewhere else soon", Minseok explains, the smile on his face being replaced by an almost worried expression. Jongdae already misses that soft smile. He wants it back. He wants Minseok to smile like that every time they are together.

"I'll just come and visit you as much as I can", Jongdae says without a second of hesitation. Minseok chuckles.

"You really are a weird one", he mutters, stretching out the hand holding the sweatband. "You know Luhan and I used to wear those as some sort of best friends couple thing, he stopped wearing his one ages ago though, probably doesn't even have it anymore, but I've been holding on to mine. I think it's time to let go. Keep it."

Jongdae takes back the sweatband and stuffs it into his pocket again. His lips forming a voiceless thank you in the shape of a smile. Then he reaches for Minseok's hand.

"Come on, this is still your party, even if you don't like it", he says, pulling Minseok back inside. Behind him, he can hear Minseok laugh.

"You know, I think it just became a lot more tolerable."

  
  


When they walk back inside, hand in hand, they are met with almost no surprise. Some of the guys congratulate them, some crack a small joke and one certain brunet boy clasps his hands above his head and shouts out "Finally!"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's pretty much the end. The last chapter is going to be like a short bonus epilogue (I'll upload it tomorrow). So thank you all so much for reading. And an extra thank you to those of you who leave comments and kudos, I love you all!


	6. Bonus: Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just a kind of small fluffy bonus because I'm soft :3

Jongdae nervously fiddles with his hands in his lap, checking the time on his phone every other second. Time seems to crawl by way too slowly and he's still fifteen minutes early. But Jongdae just had to take the earlier train to get to Seoul. He couldn't stop himself. He already packed his backpack yesterday evening and this morning he got up even before his alarm clock woke him, which usually never happens. But he was just so damn excited for this. Because this time he can spend a whole weekend here in Seoul. Not just a few hours, not just one afternoon. He will actually stay a few days. Stay overnight. There really was no way he would have been able to take a later train, even if he now has to wait in some park for half an hour.

Jongdae tried to sit down on a bench and distract himself with something to make the waiting time fly by faster but he just can't really focus on anything when every person with short light brown hair he sees makes him almost jump up. And light brown hair isn't really a rare sight in South Korea.

He's so focused on looking out for light brown that he doesn't even notice the blond boy until he stops almost right before his bench to look down on him with a cheeky smile.

"Hey there, are you waiting for someone?", Minseok asks, a teasing tone in his voice and grin plastered on his face. Instead of replying Jongdae jumps up immediately, almost stumbles over the backpack he had placed between his knees and flings himself into Minseok's arms. Jongdae almost makes Minseok fall over in the process but he manages to somehow catch the overly eager boy in his arms. For a moment they tightly hold onto each other like one of them just came back from war and they hadn't seen each other for years. Minseok is the first one to let go again.

"Have you been waiting for long?", he softly whispers into Jongdae's ear while gently pushing him back again. Jongdae knows that Minseok doesn't really like showing too much affection in public so he usually tries to hold himself back a little, but after not seeing Minseok for like two weeks Jongdae just can't help but jumping into his arms. Because he is in love with Kim Minseok and he wants the whole world to know.

"I also just got here", Jongdae quickly lies and Minseok chuckles while ruffling through his black hair.

"Kim Jongdae, you're an awful liar", he says with a laugh. Jongdae flinches, then he quickly tries to change the topic and jumps at the next best possibility. 

"Your hair looks cool, when did you do that?"

Out of reflex Minseok touches his own hair, then he smiles.

"I dyed it last week, I've been thinking about adding some colour to it. I'm not sure yet, maybe some light pink or lavender or something. Do you think that would suit me?"

Jongdae looks at Minseok with big loving eyes for a moment, imagining his boyfriend with colourful hair, then he eagerly nods.

"You would look great with any hair colour", Jongdae exclaims and Minseok shakes his head, holding back a laugh.

"Sometimes you're like a puppy, that's really cute."

Jongdae puts on his most exaggerated pouty face but the way Minseok regards him with a roll of his eyes just makes him burst out into laughter. Minseok shakes his head at his childish boyfriend and waits for him to calm down again. Once Jongdae is finally done laughing he reaches out a hand to take a strand of Minseok's blonde hair between his fingers, the back of his hand slightly brushes against Minseok's cheek in the process and Minseok leans into the touch, almost unnoticeable, but Jongdae feels it and lets his hand linger just a bit longer than might have been necessary.

"Dyed hair is really cool", he whispers, his brown eyes still brimming with admiration as he lets Minseok's hair run through his fingers. "Do you think it would suit me too?"

Minseok takes a moment to look at Jongdae, really look at him and imagine how he would look with a different hair colour. Jongdae feels his skin prickle under Minseok's intense stare and he loves how it sends pleasant shivers down his spine. And Minseok knows. His lips curl into a small smile as he nonchalantly shrugs.

"I don't know, I would need to see it. But I think I prefer you with black hair. Also you still go to school. Your teachers would kill you, dyed hair is basically a dress code violation, you have math with Mrs. Kim this year, right? She's really strict with stuff like that."

"I guess you're right", Jongdae mumbles, slightly disappointed. Not really knowing what to say or do next Jongdae scratches the back of his neck. Actually he knows exactly what he wants to do right now. He wants to cup Minseok's face with his hands and pull him in for a kiss that will take his breath away. Until both of them are dizzy and maybe even a bit longer. Minseok makes Jongdae's head spin and no matter how much times passes the feeling never stops. It's kind of distracting almost since it makes it hard to focus on anything. There is something about Minseok that just feels like it's demanding Jongdae to look at him and only him. Maybe it's the way Minseok is both cute and insanely hot at the same time. The duality of Kim Minseok is a thing that makes Jongdae question his sanity. And it sometimes causes him to get completely lost in his thoughts, so when Minseok suddenly speaks up again Jongdae almost jumps out of his skin.

"I can't believe you really still wear this sweaty old thing. Like, come on, how old even is it now? Ten years?"

Minseok's finger points to the hand that is still half hidden behind Jongdae's neck. He turns his head to look at it and out of the corner of his eyes, Jongdae can see the sweatband on his left wrist. He almost forgot that it was still there. Wearing it all the time has just become a habit. Especially after Minseok left for university and wearing it had again become the closest Jongdae could get to holding his hand. Sometimes he forgets that its even there. Hell, he even showered with it accidentally a couple of times. And sometimes he purposely showered with it. Jongdae just likes the comforting feeling it gives him. Even when he forgets about wearing it, it's always there. Somewhere in the background. A soft reminder that there is still something connecting him to Minseok, even when they are apart.

"It's your sweaty old thing so I'll happily wear it another ten years", Jongdae explains. He lets his arm fall down to look at the sweatband again with a fond smile. Minseok shakes his head in disbelief.

"You sure are a weird one", he chuckles and Jongdae gently nudges him with his elbow, a teasing grin on his face. He leans in and whispers his next words into Minseok's ear with a cocky tone in his voice.

"I know, you said it like a hundred times now. I'm the weirdest most peculiar person you have ever met and you just adore me to bits and pieces because of that."

"Don't test my patience, Jongdae", Minseoks grumbles while giving Jongdae a playful shove. Jongdae dramatically falls back before he comes in again with another teasing smile.

"Oh yes, please punish me, daddy, I've been naughty", Jongdae breathes while dramatically batting his eyelashes and to top it off he blows Minseok a kiss. Minseok rolls his eyes and gives Jongdae another slight shove.

"Idiot", he mutters. But he smiles. The kind of smile that makes Jongdae feel like he could forget his own name if he would get lost in Minseok's eyes now. The one that makes him feel like he's freshly in love and the world is fluffy and pastel pink. It's kind of pathetic, to be honest. But Jongdae just can't help that Minseok makes him feel like an idiot. Because maybe he is. Maybe he is Minseok's idiot. His own personal love-struck fool. And right now Jongdae really needs him to know. Needs the whole world to know. But the first step is letting Minseok know. He'll see about the rest of the world once that is out of the way.

"Your idiot", Jongdae corrects him with a smile while he intertwines his fingers with Minseok's. Minseok allows him to do so without saying a word but the way he gently squeezes Jongdae's hand back tells him everything he needs to know. This touch feels so much more real and intense than any sweaty old thing on his wrist ever could. This is not some comforting sensation in the background. It's right here, right now, and it's real.

"So what do you want to do?", Minseok asks and Jongdae stops to think about it. He actually didn't think that far. He had been way too excited about spending the entire weekend. Usually his head is always filled with ideas for things he wants to do with Minseok the next time they see each other. On any other day Jongdae could have given him a complete bucket list of places he wants to visit and things he wants to do but right now all of them are suddenly gone. There is nothing Jongdae can really still think of wanting when he is already holding Minseok's hand.

"Why don't we just take a walk and see where it takes us?", Jongdae suggests with a shrug. Minseok laughs while he bends down to pick up Jongdae's backpack and before Jongdae can protest he throws it over the one shoulder that is not attached to the hand holding on to Jongdae.

"You know that this will only result in us getting lost somewhere? You have the worst sense of direction", Minseok replies with one eyebrow raised. But he's smiling. That kind of smile. Jongdae stares at him lovingly.

"I wouldn't mind getting lost with you", he replies, adding a mental  _again_ at the end of it.

"You sure are a weird one, maybe the weirdest person I've ever met. The way you smile, the way you look at me. You are such an idiot. And you know what? I really love it."

"I love you too."

"Cheesy, now come on. Let's get lost together."

 

 

Two boys are aimlessly strolling through a park together. Their hands intertwined. One of them has a backpack loosely hanging over one shoulder, the other one has a sweatband on his left wrist, even though neither of them look like they are here to go jogging. They are walking way too slowly and comfortably for that. It's such a mundane thing to do and yet both of them are smiling. Even though there is really nothing special about it. But maybe love can sometimes be just that. Simple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading this, I love everyone of you! If you want to talk to me you can hit me up on Tumblr @ kimjjongbabe and if you ask nicely I might also give you my instagram^^ I love yelling about XiuChen and anything basically^^  
> (edit: I now have a side tumblr just for writing and multifandom stuff its @spriingflower, you can also follow me on twitter @writteninspring)


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